Sometimes all we need is a break away from the main city life to rejuvenate the soul, and reset the mindset. Being back at work for only one week, sounds ridiculous that I needed a breakaway already, however it hasn’t just been work. Since I recently got discharged from the psychiatric hospital, I have been interrogated by many friends; and some family have called literally every day (to check in on my mood); which I understand everything is done in the name of love and concern.
But here is my predicament, I feel like I am on suicide watch – and it makes me feel guilty for my selfish act; the constant reminder that I did something wrong.
I know what I did was wrong…..but people don’t understand the utter dark space one reaches in that extreme low (You haven’t walked in my shoes!); the internal battle (world war 3) that takes place within my mind, and when you reach that point of helplessness, nothing can help you. You feel like not even God wants you at that point.
I grew up following the Methodist church practices. I loved Sunday school, and my family on my mothers side, has always been big Christians. When I came out to my family, they accepted me with open arms and showered me with love and congratulated me for being so brave. However my friends from church, unfortunately disowned me and saw me as evil and corrupt. It hurt – I always saw myself as a good person (I’m always willing to help where I can), who just wanted love and peace for all, but I was condemned in their eyes for loving someone of the same gender. So I lost my way with God for many years but, I always believed that there was a greater power out there that was filled with love, light, forgiveness and peace (my version of God – one who loved me for who I am)
When I got home, my neighbor Ilona and Collin came out after hearing what had happen to me, they were in utter shock that I was missing for two weeks and hadn’t known what had happen right next door to them. They asked if they may pray over me; I of course accepted it. As they prayed, an energy washed over me and I suddenly realized, that so many family and friends had being praying over me.
I suddenly realized that it doesn’t matter who you pray to, be it God, Buddha, Jesus, Krishna, Allah or Jehova (whatever your religion is), LOVE IS LOVE in all religions.
I know I have deviated off topic here but, I write as I feel I am being directed too. I felt compelled to disclose the above for some reason and to ensure that everyone; no matter what your religious believes, that we all have love in common, and a believe that there is good out there.
I know I am loved and am blessed with family that cares.
Getting back to to the break away, I really needed this. We all need to take time for ourselves. So crossing the boarder and heading to Swaziland was my ability to disconnect. Chilling with friends at the pool (even though it’s winter) was calming. Just the ability to sit in each other’s presence and talk about other things besides my disorder was amazing, followed by an hour massage treatment at the Royal Swazi Spa was the cherry on the top.
So I am advising that we all take time to pamper ourselves and to disconnect, because I don’t think we all realize how much stress our technological devices actually add to our lives these days…….I mean do we ever actually get to switch off?
I am also saying that no matter what religion you follow, spread the love and the good; because this world needs it more than ever these days, and we need it to smash the stigma.
Sending you all Love and Light today and every day, and I would like to leave you with this quote by Steven Seagal that I came across this weekend:
“My philosophy is that the most important aspect of any religion should be human kindness. And to try ease the suffering of others. To try and bring light and love into the lives of mankind.”
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