Flashback

So this past Wednesday, the 28th August 2019, something scary happened. I finished work and headed home, I had just climbed onto the highway and reached my max speed of 125km p/hour, as I headed around a bend with my music blaring, the radio changed to a new song as I overtook a car on my left and just like that, I was paralyzed with a flood of emotions as memories from our car crash flooded my mind uncontrollably.

You see myself and my partner where involved in a pretty scary accident towards the beginning of last month, and although we flipped and rolled four complete sets, I could only remember the car smacking us and when my partner was screaming for me to get out the car after we had finished rolling. I didn’t know if I blanked out or if my mind blocked out the memories.

This Wednesday, I learnt that I didn’t pass out, in fact I was very conscious, as memories rushed through my head like a an old projection playing a silent trailer . I was left shaking and crying uncontrollably, as these images attacked my brain, I lifted my foot off the accelerator, and took my hands off the steering wheel my car slowed down in the fast lane, a car hooted from behind and I knew I had to take control of my car again and drive.

What triggered this random event that left me shaken and an emotional train wreck. I couldn’t explain it, I felt like someone had just smashed my head with a concrete brick.

I don’t know if it was the song, or if I saw a certain car but something triggered my memories to be released from their dark cage, and damn was it scary. I didn’t sleep that night and in fact I haven’t had a decent nights sleep since then. I haven’t told my partner about this because he finally thinks everything is ok, and I don’t want him to worry unnecessarily.

I guess I’ll work through this on my own pace, because I suppose it’s my way of healing from the accident in some weird way. It’s nothing bad but, clearly my mind was protecting me until it thought I was ready to deal with it – not that I feel I need to deal with it now.

I always thought movies were exaggerating when they portray a character having a flashback, but let me tell you they aren’t too far off.

I’ll have to do some digging into this but I thought I would share this in the meantime. A means for me to release this so long…..