This morning I woke up and just couldn’t stop crying. I can’t tell you why because I don’t know myself. I feel trapped in a body that’s mind doesn’t know what it wants to feel for the day.
Eating breakfast in the dinning area with the rest of the patients made me feel awkward and uncomfortable because my emotions were vulnerable for all to see. I didn’t sit with the rest of the group I normally did, instead I preferred to isolate myself from them.
By sitting on my own in the corner I was able to protect myself from them prying into why I feel down today, because I can’t answer them. It sounds stupid to most; people will just assume you are acting and that you just need to pull yourself towards yourself but that’s not the case. If it was just that easy…… This pain and confusion has taken my appetite away for the day. I ate a little because the nurses watch us here, but trust me the little I ate I had to force down.
I wish people could understand that we don’t choose to be like this, it just happens. It’s a desease and I can’t control it, just a like a person who has cancer can’t control it on their own. They need medication and so do I.
So reserve your judgments till you have walked in the same shoes as someone else with a mental illness.
I am now ready to put on my mask, so that everyone can think I am happy when actually it feels so empty inside.
This is me checking out till later.
Liam
SMIS Blog 