Blow after Blow – but I am deciding to hold my head up high.

This year has been one of my most toughest years ever. I have permanently had my faith tested. My loving husband, keeps telling me I need to focus on the positive things that happened this year, but how was I supposed to focus on those when blow after blow, I felt like I was being wiped out slowly.

I stand corrected but I am sure I read or heard somewhere, that our brains are programmed to focus more on negativity, which means I was destined to focus on the negativity of this year alone.

I remember at the beginning of this year saying, YES this is going to be my year…..clearly it has been thus far anything but that.

How were we supposed to remain STRONG and focused on HAPPINESS, when personally I felt like this year I have been attacked permanently by the 4 horsemen (Darkness, Sorrow, Misery, and Disappear).

However today, I turned over a new leaf. After being diagnosed with Bipolar Mood Disorder (after a nervous breakdown and landing up in hospital for 17 days), after being involved in the worse car accident in my life (were we rolled 4 times) and the latest, after hearing my mom has colon cancer. I have decided FUCK the horsemen, I am now deciding my future. No longer will I be a victim to negative attractions, I will guide the rest of this year.

I have decided, I will help my dad achieve his dream of being a soloist rower at this years Talisker Whisky Transatlantic Challenge. After that it’s all about me, why because it’s time to put myself first and make my dreams a reality.

In fact, I have already started my dream – the process to get a L1 Visa across to the states has already been paid for (well at least the deposit). From NOW on, I am focusing on my passions, I’m going to get in touch with my creative side again (something I lost) and do an interior design course, and once I am done with that possibly a graphic design course. I am going to live my dream now of doing what I want to do. I have given over 10 years of my life to the family business, but my heart no longer lies in it. My passion is lying else where, and scary enough my dad actually made me realize this when I had to work on creative stuff for his campaign.

I am blessed with a handful of close friends, who I hold close to my heart – One of which is having his worse year too, but I will always be there for him, no matter what turmoil is going on in my own life, and that’s what friends are for. We are there to hold one another’s hand while we walk through a dark valley (many have been there for me, through my toughest times).

So trust me when I say, part of my dream is to move away from SA and to live in the USA (Texas to be precise), and I am eventually going to have to say good bye to these friends and my family, but that won’t be the end of us, in fact it just means we have to now become friends and family with lots of holidays to and from each other…lol.

I guess what I am boiling down too, is I think I have come to realize, that all these bad things have been MY WAKE UP CALL, reminding me that life is short so live YOUR life now (while you still can), not the way others want you to live it.

I am blessed with a big family, that is spread out across the world – I love them all dearly but NOW ITS MY TURN TO LIVE MY LIFE.

Someone posted on Facebook last week (and I hope he doesn’t mind me sharing this), “never judge anyone’s ideas or dreams, look at the guy that invented the pool noodle – he’s a millionaire today” – which is so true.

So guys live your life, your dreams, your ideas – life is short – it can be taken away in a blink of an eye.